The book that has inspired this blog post…

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After reading The Manifesto on How to be Interesting by Holly Bourne I kinda wanted to get up on my soap box and shout out about life when I was a teenager. This book made me stop and think. It has a lot of issues the characters have to deal with aswell as psychological issues.
Bree, of course, is a fictional character but a lot of the things Bree went through was easily relatable.

Being a teenager in school I wasn’t apart of the “It” group. I wasn’t even in the secondary “It” group.
I had my own friends that I hung around with and I was my own person
I loved English and Art. I was a littlw weird. Who wasn’t growing up? I knew what I liked. I was just a normal girl.

Then like always we grow into our selves the more we go through high school. I went into that Emo stage… black skinnies, converse, band tops, skull and cross bones. I had the black eyeliner and the sweeping hair across the one eye… (it was a time in my life I don’t want to revisit haha) bust I suppose that made me a target.

More noticeably for the “It” boys. I’m not going to name names… as much as I would LOVE to because I seriously loathed those guys! They were the one’s who used to say this… “go slit your wrists you fucking emo.” Now… thats not exactly something you should say to a girl like me. Looking back, I’m surprised my depression didn’t come about earlier. I wasn’t bullied. I want to put that out there. I was never bullied nor did I bully anyone. I was just one of those girls who tried to get along with everyone, even if they didn’t want to get along with me!

Anyway back to the thing before. Those guys were vile. They didn’t understand that not every girl cared about what lipstick they wore or how they were perceived in school. I likd who I was… sort of.

Even back then I didn’t have a loy of self confidence and having those idiots look down at you like that didn’t help.

The girls were slightly better. Well sort of. They didn’t care much about the others who weren’t apart of their social group. They weren’t interested. They dominated the best places in the school, got all the best parts in the plays and all that jazz. They didn’t care how they made others feel. Maybe they were like Jassmine and Co in TMOHTBI (I shortened it lol) and had their own insecurities and put up this front. But the thing is no one saw it. Some people loathed them. Half of the “It” girls and guys I knew from first school, was friends with them and now they blanked and ignored me like I was nothing.

School, for a lot of people as tough, especially when you didn’t fit in.

I can sort of remember near enough every one of their names in the ‘It’ groups. Even the ones in the secondary ‘It’ groups and it baffles me why I do because they probably don’t even remember me.

I could walk past them in the street and they wouldn’t even glance my way. A lot of them still seem to have that stigma that they took with them from the school… the whole “I don’t care about you attitude.”

And that’s fine! Because even though you all thought you admired and loved by everyone there was some of us who really didn’t like you.

The girls from the secondary ‘It’ group I used to talk to occasionally and yet now they walk past me with a snotty look on their faces like im beneath them.

Yet none of them probably care that there words or snide comments or disregard for feelings still makes some people feel like crap. Yet they probably don’t even care.

What I’m trying to say is… life isn’t like how it was in high school. No one cares about their social standing anymore. No ones cares about what happened and whether you were interesting or not.

What matters is that you are comfortable with who you are. You’ve established what you want to do.

Yes I’m a massive geek and fangirl and can quote Back to the Future and book quotes and things from Doctor Who and Merlin. But despite not having a lot of self confidence. I can say that I’m happy with who I am. I can say I suffer from depression and anxiety. It doesn’t bother me. If I had more self confidence. If people from school and old friends hadn’t taken it away maybe I would have it.

I’m just glad I wasn’t one of you. I’m glad that I cared about others. I’m glad that I didn’t care what I liked or what music I listened to. I didn’t get invited to the popular parties? Who gives a crap! Back then I did but now I don’t. Now I’m glad I never did get invited because that meant having to make stupid idle chat with people who didn’t care.

There are only a few people from my school who I still talk to and they were the ones who liked me for who I was.

To the girls who were both in the “It” group and the secondary “It” group. You might have thought you were the bees knees and better than everyone else but you weren’t. If you had just been yourselves school would have probably been better for the rest of us.

To the boys in the “It” group and th e secondary “It” group. You may have thought everyone swooned and worshipped at your feet but a lot of people didn’t like you. Your words hurt. Not that you cared back then or probably even care now but if you had been less self confident and bighed headed maybe you’d have been better being humble and being nicer to the girls who were different.

To the people who used to be my best friends… yes you may have been one of the many catalysts to my depression and you may or may not have realised what you were doing or saying…. maybe if you had taken what I wrote to you to heart and had been a little more humble we would probably still talk now. All you had to do was listen to me and not put me down or say things that were meant as a joke (I didn’t “lose the plot” like one of you said). Maybe if you weren’t so insecure with who you were you wouldn’t have been like that. And the thing is… even though you took some other friends away from me too… I don’t hate you.

I don’t think about school a lot or the people who went there. If I did I’d be a nervous wreck! All I know is that you guys who were popular, maybe if you’d have shown some insecurities the rest of us wouldn’t have been so hard on ourselves.

I don’t claim to love myself but I do like myself. Maybe when I gain some self confidence I can say love instead of like.

The book brought a lot of things to light, mainly that you don’t have to be interesting and popular to be liked. You can be anyone you like. It doesn’t matter if you have one friend or 20… they like you for who you are so please please don’t change yourself just to be popular. You are brilliant as you are 🙂

And those of you from DSHS (the abbreviation for my high school) who still think you are the “It” people… get over yourself! Please… just get over yourself!

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About geekandbooknerd

I'm Hayley. A total book nerd and a massive geek just as the name suggests. I have plenty of book husbands (Oh so many to name!) as well as tv show and movie ones :P I am a total fangirl and you will get random posts from me. I'm totally weird but I happily accept that. This blog is just me reviewing books and fangirling and geeking out to things because sometimes you just need a break from normal things! So please enjoy :)

2 responses »

  1. Hey! I stumbled across your blog searching for pictures of the Third Doctor so I could put together a costume, and started reading.

    I just have to say, you should have confidence! You seem really lovely, and from the photos, you are super cute! So yeah, consider this permission from a random internet stranger to feel good about who you are, and stuff what people from school say (you sound like you’re having more fun with life than they can ever hope to have, fandom is amazing) 🙂

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