There’s things on my mind I need to unload and this is one of the reasons why I started my blog… not only to FanGirl and geek out but to let loose some of my feelings…
So I’ve been feeling kind of, I wouldn’t say a ‘slump’ or ‘down’ because I’ve been out of those for a while now, but more of a… well I’m sure the word will eventually manifest itself!
As my followers and friends know; I am a geek. I do fangirl and I do obsess over things and I love it. Its who I am and that’s something that’s never going to change.
I can’t dance for toffee and when I do its weird. My bedroom is a giant library…
And I have things plastered everywhere that’s fan related or things that I just love!
My room also has fairy figures, gothic stuff, Irish things and I have a sword!
And that’s me!
I don’t want to look like this:
I want to be me and I’ve seen girls around town looking at me horribly because of what I wear and what I’m like. I’ve been walking around town with my fangirl tees and a book in hand and they look at me like I’m the alien. I’m myself. I’m who I want to be. I don’t hide behind fake tans and tonnes of makeup and if that makes me weird then so be it.
I’m still single and at times that does get me down, especially when friends, now ex friends, used to rub relationships in my face. I do want a boyfriend but I’m so self conscious and I’m not confident around boys but that’s my issue. And I’m trying to work through it. But I do sometimes think; who wants a curvy, nerdy, fangirl as their girlfriend when they can have the beautiful, slim, model types?
I can’t talk to boys, I’m the female equivalent of Raj from the Big Bang Theory, especially the ones I like! Who wants to hear about what I thought of that book? Or what I thought about that Doctor Who episode? Or about my love for King Arthur? And besides… I would rather stay in and read or write my novel than go out and party! (Looking pretty good right now aren’t I boys?!) I will go out though, I’m not a hermit but even when I do go out I feel awkward because I don’t look like the other girls out there and I’m not one for chatting up a boy because I wouldn’t even know where to start!
But that’s me. That’s who I am and I’m starting to like being me. I’m shy around boys and I look at the floor when I talk to boys. I’m who I am. I’m not a poser. I’m not a model. I don’t want to have pouty fish lips and be orange. I am who I am. And I know, well I hope, there is someone out there for me. I’ve just waited so long sometimes my hope is slowly diminishing…
So to sum all up. This is just me. And if people want to hate and look down at who I am then that’s their problems not mine. I am who I am 🙂